Monday, March 20, 2006

He Must Get This From His Father's Side

I was changing the sheets on Son's bed one day when I discovered something he had hidden under his mattress. Now, I know that there are all kinds of horrible things I could have found there. I may be naive but I do realize that there are all kinds of fun things that I could have found there.

No, what I found wasn't horrible, it was just...odd. You see, hidden away with the Hot Wheels cars (How this child sleeps comfortably I will never know) I found a half-eaten box of raw linguine. I'm not sure why he'd have a box of uncooked pasta under his matress. Of course I can't really imagine why he'd have cooked pasta there either. At any rate, my big question is: WHY? Do we not feed him enough? Surely that can't be it. I'm convinced Son is part goldfish and will just keep eating as long as food is available or until he finally can't eat anymore, an event that would most likely be indicated by paramedics carrying him out on a stretcher while we stand trying to explain to Social Services, "Well, he said he was still hungry..." And before anyone (Mom) gets all excited about this, we do limit his portions. One side of beef per meal is sufficient, and we almost never let him eat a whole box of Twinkies by himself, so just relax. (Actually, the kid is a little weird in that he doesn't really like candy, or cake and for that matter he hates chocolate. I swear I'm taking him in for DNA tests for this can surely not be my biological child. Not that it matters if he's not, but I do find this intriguing, since in all other ways he is my mini-me and discovering that he's his own person with his own quirks and his own personality has taken some getting used to. But I digress. ) Does he just like the taste of raw pasta? I suppose that's possible. But why is he hiding it? Sure, I think it's strange but I've lived with this boy for nearly eleven years now and believe me when I say that I let a LOT of strange things slide by without comment. I have come to the realization that little boys are odd little creatures; loveable, but odd. And sometimes it's best to just get the popcorn, sit back and watch the show, for he is nothing if not entertaining. Sometimes on purpose, even.

But this time I just had to ask. "Son, I was changing your sheets today and I've got a question."
Son looked at me blankly and said,

"Yeah? What?"

"Well, I found a box of raw pasta. Any explanation for that?" He looked at me like it was no big deal, as if it's common to store pasta, grains and heaven only knows what else under a mattress. Then he simply shrugged and said,

"Um, well, you know. It's just that, well, you never know."

"You never know what? You never know when you may need to host a dinner party in your room and don't want to be caught unprepared?" My question was answered with much rolling of the eyes followed by,

"Mom, I know you don't understand this, but I just like the way it tastes."

After agreeing that if in the future he feels the need to munch raw pasta, he will ask permission and do said munching in the kitchen, everything seemed fine.

I do have one remaining concern, however. How could a child of mine possibly have pasta hidden under his bed without at least a pint of Alfredo sauce hidden in the bookcase? He must get it from his father's side.

6 comments:

Ronni said...

Are you absolutely sure there's no Alfredo sauce stashed somewhere? Does he have a toy box? A desk? A dresser? A (heaven forbid) closet?

There could be any number of secreted foodstuffs lurking in stray corners of his room. Also, check for suspiciously loose corners of carpet.

Mgt said...

Good morning, Stacey.

I love the humour in your writing, it makes me smile.

You will probably never understand this either, but I used to eat uncooked pasta as a child.

Putting it in you mouth and waiting for it to get soft enough to swallow, used to pass the time. Surely, you remember how time dragged by as a child?

My brother used to eat it dry, too. Relax, my brother is normal!

I hope you have eventually got that monkey off your back (no pun intended), now that the injured party's husband has done his best to relieve your sense of guilt.

Have a great day!

loretta said...

The sauce wouldn't taste good on the raw pasta. I can see dipping it in peanut butter, though.

~d (tilde) said...

Oh goodness. I have seen many younger ppl eat Ramen Noodles-uncooked. They, like, open the bag, shake the seasonings on it: and wa-la !

( Ronni sent me! )

Anne said...

Where r' you? Have been missing you.

Stacey said...

Hi Anne, thanks. I've been out of commision for the last little while, but I'm back! New entry, come on up!