Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Birthday Suit

Like most young boys, Son has an extreme aversion to formal wear. Given the choice between a necktie and a noose, I'm pretty sure he'd choose the noose. Getting him into a tux for his aunt's wedding required cunning and guile known only to members of the Mafia. Well, cunning, guile and a major bribe.

The excuses we hear about why he can't possibly wear anything but jeans and t-shirts are usually pretty entertaining; it's too big, too little, too red, the stripes clash with his hair (Don't ask. We still haven't figured that one out yet.) But he came up with one excuse that is my all time favorite.

The occasion was Son’s birthday a couple of years ago. To his very great dismay, his birthday fell on a Sunday, meaning that rather than spending an entire day indulging in whatever revelry and debauchery he had planned he was going to have to spend some of the day in church.

Never one to let an opportunity to tease Son pass him by, (Hubs figures it’s fair play since we are rapidly approaching the teen years when Son will make our lives worrisome and difficult so we might as well avenge ourselves while we have the chance.) Hubs announced, “Hey! Guess what? Since it’s your birthday and it’s Sunday, you can wear your birthday suit to church!”

As expected, Son was horrified. “No! There is NO WAY I’m wearing my BIRTHDAY SUIT to church!” Not only did I find Hubs suggestion humorous, but I also found Son’s reaction rather amusing, probably because the boy doesn’t even own a suit. Well I mean, he DOES have a birthday suit, of course, but it’s not really something he wears outside the house. (Though oddly he will wander about the house in it from time to time.)

Son's Sunday attire is comprised of Dockers, a dress shirt and a tie, and each item of clothing is so despised that it is removed from his person and thrown on the floor before the front door slams behind him upon his return from church.

Son's sensibilities were so outraged by the very idea of voluntarily wearing a suit of any kind, birthday or otherwise, that he apparently forgot the fact that he doesn't actually own a suit. He simply went straight to argument mode. Hubs was therefore able to keep the charade going for quite some time. With a perfectly straight face Hubs asked,

“Why not? It’s a suit. It’s a Sunday. It’s your birthday. What could be more appropriate?”

You know, it’s interesting how much pressure can build in my head without having it (head, not pressure) actually explode when one is trying to stifle laughter. And in our house, given our affinity for sadistic humor, being faced with the struggle of trying to maintain a straight face (not to mention an intact skull) is a fairly common occurrence. I have a lot of practice, but I still can’t quite keep a straight face the way Hubs can. Still, keeping in mind that tormenting our child is a noble endeavor, I kept things under control.

At least I did right up until Hubs asked, “But that suit is so cute. I think it’s the cutest little birthday suit I’ve ever seen.” Son was so incensed that he didn't even notice as I started to sputter. With a glare worthy of his grandmother Son announced,

“I’m NOT wearing my birthday suit. Not EVER. It’s old and it’s wrinkled and it itches.”

Well, I’m afraid I can’t argue with him there. Although from what I can tell, his birthday suit is probably in pristine condition (if you overlook the scabbed knees and various bruises, that is.)

I do sympathize, though. My birthday is approaching in a couple of days and I have to say my birthday suit is getting old, wrinkled and itchy too. I guess it happens to the best of us.


Nadine said...

That's so funny, Stacey!

I can attest to the fact that my birthday suit is getting kind of frazzled.

My seams are sagging a bit, and there are creases where there shouldn't be!

Ronni said...


Old, wrinkled and itchy. Yup. That about sums it up.

I feel like the "Saggy Baggy Elephant!"

Ya gotta wonder what Son was thinking!

Anonymous said...

That wrinkling happens to us all hopefully! You're a funny lady. Enjoy reading your blog.

Mgt said...

That boy has got your sharp wit and sense of humour, Stacey.

Another wonderful story!

I'm not sure about wrinkles, but I definitely have bags on my bags....you could call them "folds".

Mgt said...

Happy Birthday!

Gosh, I hope I have the right person. Have a wonderful day.

Mgt said...

Good morning, Stacey.

I hope you had the most wonderful Birthday!

Mgt said...

Good morning, Stacey!

I'm off for a week. I'll be back on July 9th.

Wishing you a week filled with love and contentment.

Mgt said...

Best wishes to you, Stacey!

I'll be back July 1oth.

Chin up!

Stacey said...

Thanks to all for the good birthday wishes. I had a great day. I was kidnapped by my sisters-in-law for a couple of days and had a wonderful time. I even got a new birthday suit! It's silk, much nicer than the original.

Mgt, have a wonderful holiday! I'll look forward to July and hearing all about it.

Ronni said...

Stacey, I hope all is well.

CountryGirl said...

Stacey, I miss you! Hurry back ok?

Stacey said...

Thanks Ronni and Countrygal. The past few weeks I've been learning that life is not only a funny thing but ironic and rather painful as well. Don't worry, though. I'll be back!

Mgt said...

Good morning, Stacey! Lovely to see you back.

My place of work has cut me off from most of the blogs. So, I am dependent on some lovely ladies who keep me up to speed.

You are in my thoughts, regularly. I hope it is all going well for you.

Mgt said...

Good morning, Stacey!

Thinking of you...!

Mgt said...

Hi Stacey! (Patiently waiting).

Tap, tap, tap

Only joking! I hope you and your family are well.

I must admit to being a little jealous about missing Lisa's Birthday party.

Enjoy your weekend!

Ronni said...

I dreamed you wrote a new entry--but I can't remember the title!

Stacey said...

Well if you remember, let me know! I'll see what I can do. Life has been crazy here lately, but I'll be back soon.

Mgt said...

Not soon enough for me!

No pressure, Stacey, but people are inclined to suffer withdrawal symptoms, you know!

Stacey said...

Mgt, school starts tomorrow. Now, I realize that since son has been visiting his cousins for the past month (sniff) I've had adequate time to write. However since we're packing up and moving I felt it was a great opportunity to, well, hide away the sippy cups that he'll no doubt clutch to his heart and sob that there is simply no way his heart can go on beating without this treasured memento of his infancy. (And no, he hasn't thought of it or asked about it in about a decade.) So I figure it was a good chance to pack such things in a box and then haul them back out once he gets married.

Mgt said...

Ah, sorry Stacey, I didn't realise you were moving. I hope it goes well for you!

Still don't feel 'right' in the new place. Although I don't have to traipse up and down the stairs to the bathroom, I don't enjoy living on one level. No place to hide. LOL

Wishing you prosperity and happiness in your new home, Stacey!

Stacey said...

Thanks Mgt. I've had a busy week. Son is safely home and back in school. I've barely made a dent in the packing, and I've scarcely been at home during the last week. I think this is the first time I've even turned the computer in the last few days.

Sounds like your new place needs some getting used to. I hope it becomes "home" very soon!

Mgt said...

Stacey, thinking of you and your family. I hope everything is going as planned.

You make me smile...

Roper said...

Stacey, I miss your writing. C'mon, it's been five months!

I've gone and done it--entered the new millenium six years late and started my own blog. Check out roper's lasso when you get a few spare moments. It's more academic in tone and focuses on education issues.

- Roper