"There's something wrong with your son."
My son. If Hubs' tone of frustration wasn't enough to tip me off, the fact that Son had just somehow become my son and mine alone, made it very clear I'd come home to another father/son dispute.
"Problem?"
"Well, I told him to shower and he was gone three minutes, then came back with perfectly dry hair and still smelled like he'd spent the afternoon playing field hockey with a herd of mountain goats."
"Hmm. You told him to shower with water and soap and shampoo, right? Because you have to be specific with him about that."
Hubs looked affronted. "Yes, of course. I'm not new around here, you know."
"I know, but you did you give him any further instructions?"
"Such as?"
"Well, you know that he thinks if he actually had water coming out of the shower head, and if the soap and shampoo were physically present with him in the shower, then technically he followed instructions, right?"
"Are you serious?"
"Sadly, I am. Also, you have to remind him to stand under the water, not just near it."
"What's wrong with him?"
"Other than being twelve?"
"Oh. Right. So now what?"
"Okay here's what you say: "Stand under the water coming from the shower head. Pick up the soap. Lather it up, apply it to your body until the dirt is gone, then rinse. Also, the shampoo? It goes in your hair. You lather it up, in your hair--not just in your hands-- and then rinse it out."
"So is it that he doesn't understand the concept?"
"Oh no. He's just looking for a loophole. A technicality, as it were."
"So I didn't handle it right?"
"I wouldn't say that. In fact, hosing him down in the driveway while you washed the car is, I'm sure, a lesson he'll remember for years to come."
"You think?"
"Definitely. And hanging that pine tree air freshner from his collar? Inspired."
"Really?"
"Oh, absolutely."
Hubs will get the hang of this eventually. I'm not too worried, though. Son is bound to discover girls any time now. When he does, I have a feeling getting him in the shower will be the least of our concerns.
5 comments:
Getting him out will be the problem. I couldn't convince mine to wash his hair. It got smelly and greasy. I finally hosed him down in the sink, and applied Dawn with Degreaser. Twice.
After that, some little girl at school ran her fingers through his hair, and I got to say, "See? If it had been all nast like it was last year, what woudl she have said?"
I got a sheepish grin.
Now he takes 45 minute showers.
Yep, Ronni. That's exactly what I'm afraid of! Sigh.
Phew! So this is a normal thing??? LOL
I thought it my grandson had something wrong with him. His mother just about loses her mind over his hygiene. He gets they choice of bath or shower. OMG, you would think he had been asked to dive into burning coals....the howling is ear-splitting.
I love the way you tell a story, Stacey. Great to see you back.
I see I have loads to catch up on.
I don't know if it's "normal" but it seems to be pretty common. Mgt, where have you been? I've missed you!
And the heir to the Erma Bombeck crown is back. Girl, your writing has been missed.
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